Lonely
by SilverWolf7
Summary: Alone on AO3, but I already have a fic by that title here. Dan asks Lucifer why he is so upset. He doesn't like the answer he gets very much.


Because to me, this was something I have been looking for in this show for a very long time. A look at Lucifer finding out he's been used for years just for sex. When he truly cares. Spoilers for Stewardess Interruptus.

* * *

Alone

Dan hadn't really thought on it before.

Okay, that was a lie, he had thought on it before, but it was always in the wrong ways. Chloe's partner wasn't likely to open his mouth and just outright tell people the truth. He was, after all, living a delusion.

So when he looked over at the look on his face after hearing so many people saying the same thing over and over again, he was surprised to see he was upset.

Why? At the start of this, Lucifer was happy and bragging over how people flocked to him. He would explain with glee what it was he did with so and so a person, when the person themself couldn't equate it better.

Chloe couldn't hear, being she was the one conducting the interviews. But Dan did. He noticed when it stopped, unless he questioned. He noticed that expression just got bleaker and bleaker the more it went on.

And he realised just how lonely Lucifer must be.

He remembered the self-hatred, the death wish he had seemed to carry. He remembered how utterly mad Lucifer had gotten when he had imitated him, after Lucifer had spent the entire day imitating him.

They had both realised they were trying to imitate the other. But Lucifer was taking his cues right from him and how he acted in the moment, and used it in ways that were, he had to admit, just like him.

He had taken what he thought he knew of Lucifer and used it to make fun of him.

The playboy who had sex because he was nothing other than a hedonist who wanted to brag of how handsome and wanted he was to the general populace.

And he thought he was beginning to understand, but he asked anyway, because he needed to know. Needed to get that full understanding of why.

"You look upset..."

Lucifer looked at him, didn't smile, before looking back at the man currently being interviewed by Chloe. "Hearing the same thing over and over is...depressing as all Hell, Dan."

"Repetitive, I'm sure. That doesn't answer my question though, why are you upset."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at him. "One, you didn't ask a question, you stated a fact. And two... it means nothing to them, not one of them."

And Dan looked at him with a confused look plastered on his face. He knew it was there, because it was the first time since Lucifer got quiet, his lips quirked up into a semblance of a smile.

He stared back, waiting for a true answer.

Lucifer sighed. "The best night of their life means absolutely nothing to them. I'm nothing more than great sex. I try. I remember. All these people, Dan, and I remember the names and faces of every single one of them. I remember their kinks, what we did, why we did it and how it made them feel in the moment. And it means nothing to them. The only reason they remember me is because of my reputation."

Dan remembered the look on Lucifer's face when they had found that male flight attendant dead and hadn't thought much of it. He had already figured out he would sleep with men, since he remembered being flirted at as much as any woman. He had called the man by his name, had given them information about him. He knew about him.

He cared. Every single one night stand, every person that came back for seconds or more, every single one of them. He cared. And none of them did in return.

It was as if he found out Chloe hadn't loved him at all, but just slept with him because he was as good as she thought she could get and settled. Married him because she got pregnant. He couldn't imagine life like that. Since Trixie had been planned, and there had been genuine love between them, he didn't need to.

Lucifer used sex as a way to connect to others. No wonder he had such a high count of people coming in. He couldn't imagine being that lonely.

And they didn't connect back, because to them it was just mindless fun in which they got exactly what they want.

Lucifer's only connections not including sex, involved only four people. Him, Chloe and their daughter. Ella too had not slept with him.

He remembered Chloe's disgust when she realised that he was sleeping with his therapist as payment. As far as he could tell, that made seriously crazy amounts of sense. He hoped that stopped, because it wouldn't help him in the long run.

"Lucifer, do you still sleep with your therapist?"

He blinked and stared. "What? No. Our deal was she had sex as payment until she decided she didn't want that anymore. We haven't had sex in ages. I've spent more time as a paying customer, than a booty call with her. Why?"

"Sex and therapy don't mix well, that's all."

Lucifer cocked his head to one side and smiled. "Yes, I noticed that. One thing we talked about was my using sex as a way to connect to others. I never knew how much I did until just now. It...hurts."

"Well, yeah. Your social skills for one so popular suck."

He got a grimace for an answer over that. "Thank you, Dan, for making me feel so much better. I told you my life wasn't what you thought it was."

He nodded. "Yeah, and I actually get that now. I didn't then. What happened?"

He hadn't really noticed how much Lucifer used his facial expressions to articulate his moods until just now. "I have been burned by those I have trusted far too much in my life. I have been abandoned and reject by my family. I have been cast out and forced into a job I hated. I have been made into a scapegoat for people to hate and revile. And I am not talking about this anymore."

Lucifer walked over to the wall furthest away from him and leaned against it, watching as Chloe talked to yet another woman about what her night with Lucifer was like, and once again getting the same end result.

It was the best night of my life, but it meant nothing to me.

Yeah, Dan now understood a little too well.

He wished he had never asked.


End file.
